~catch me if you can~

It took 19 years and 29 days to find myself, and I've let it slip away again

2007-04-29T07:07:57Z

I don't know where I keep going, but I continuously try to catch up. I thank all of you for tagging along for the journey.

How quick you are to come at me with slings and arrows.

2007-04-28T06:21:26Z

Yay for Pennsylvania.

There is not much more in the way of boredom: no car, no job, no money, very few friends... at least I have a boyfriend, yeah? One who, might I add, cheated on me two nights ago.

The gates of Hell opened on him. Did I mention the gates of Hell are apparently in my lungs?

I've given him another chance, but that's just who I am, yeah?

I miss all of you. Madly. I need to come home for a visit so I can hang out with all of you, but don't expect it to come anytime soon. Probably October at the absolute earliest.
:/

Anywho, I'd better go. I love you all! Kisskiss

♥ ~Nate

[[a new day, part 1]]

2007-04-19T17:46:16Z

I still haven't quite figured out where I am, but I'll do my best to put it into words.

I am lying here, strapped to a cold stainless steel table. My head is fastened down by an uncomfortable leather band, and as far as I can tell, I have been stripped of all of my clothing. My hands and feet are adorned with the same leather fittings. Based on the warmth on my body, I suppose I have straps on my chest, stomach, across my groin, and at my knees. For whatever reason, I cannot feel my right arm. The neuron surge from wiggling my fingers at least tells me the arm is still there.

My name is Michael Accognio, and this is my story. From the sound of the voices coming through the door to my left, I won't have much time to tell it.

Nobody is sure what year it is. Here's what we know: in the year 2064 AD, the Grand European Federation was formed. It was a unified gathering of every country in the former European continent. They were divided as states in one country, hence the Federation. This came as a result of America's all-encompassing war. From what we're taught, it started in a southwest Asian country and spread to surrounding nations. Eventually, it spread to most of Asia. Only China and Russia were able to hold their own against the American war machine. Nobody is entirely sure how the war got so out of hand that it spread to all of Asia, but what was certain was that, for a time, America controlled nearly 35% of the earth's landmass. Their success mounted upon their controversial (and ultimately apocalyptic) use of bionic supersoldiers, cloned from a single being from whom a muscle-regulating amino acid was removed. These soldiers were almost completely muscle - no body fat whatsoever. They could take a multitude of bullets before being downed. Tossing that in with improved bullet-proof infantry armor, the soldiers were efficient, vicious, and difficult to bring down.

As time wore on, these soldiers became more aware of their power. They started to go against the will of their commanders and spread from nation to nation like a plague. America immediately halted reproduction of the soldiers and, in another controversial decision, had all infant, child, and adolescent supersoldiers terminated. The soldiers continued their rampage, seizing other countries. Long story short, Europe unified together against the menace of the American supersoldiers and built a wall that stretched from the Arctic Sea to the Mediterranian in hopes of keeping the soldiers out. There were only two openings in the wall: one in the Ukraine and one in Turkey. These were the only passages into the GEF. It protected against the attacks from the soldiers.

The footsteps in the hallway are getting closer and conversation gets louder. I'd better hurry.

In 2070, the GEF found that America was responsible for this disasterous situation. Amerrica had toyed with the innerworkings of humanity and had to be punished. Although most of the details and figures from this era are now forgotten, we are all still reminded of one figure: 4.30.2071. April 30th, 2071. That is when the GEF launched a massive flourish of nuclear devices against America. America's defense systems failed to catch these missiles and the nation was ransacked. About 10% of the population survived by getting underground after the main cities were struck. America became a radioactive wasteland, and underground cities began springing up. America is still a nation, but the soil is unlivable.

For all we can tell, the year is now around 2160, and the world is very different from the one our ancestors knew.

I went to sleep last night in my bed in the GEF state of Italia. I came from my sleep only to find myself here in this room.

The door to my left swings open. I hear a few phrases in German.

At least now I know where I am.

[To be continued]

New pixxx

2007-03-21T19:23:18Z

God.

2007-03-07T05:55:30Z

Boys.

Absolute idiots.

Synonyms ahoy!

♥ ~Nate

Monday is going to be amazing. <3

2007-03-03T23:40:20Z

That's about it.

Heeeee~~~~

♥ ~Nate

Here come loose the hounds to pull me down...

2007-03-02T03:49:32Z

Whee, weekend.

Nothing to do again, I believe.

Gwar. My brain explodes from lack of meaningful relationships. Grrrness. Why are gay boys so fucking STUPID? lol.

♥, I suppose.

^_^

~Avid

[the anatomy of vengeance]

2007-02-28T05:03:09Z

Let's dig deep into your veins
And find the remnants of my love
And through your capillaries shove
Like surging, vengeful cancer strains

I do believe it shouldn't hurt
Save for a pricking of the skin
It possibly is more akin
To a scalpel's cutting flirt

And in the depths of sinews tangled
Will I find my loving shards
Are strewn about like playing cards,
Their normal casing torn and mangled?

Then maybe I should raid your mind
If there inside I'll find my feelings
And I will go a-pick-and-peeling
Through the sickly thickened rind.

Now I'll start to rip and shred
Till all my care has been returned
Including muscles I have burned,
I'll leave your soul profoundly dead.

And by the time I've finished rending,
All your flesh, your bones, you blood
Will pour about you like a flood,
Upon my grace your life depending.

And as I search among your innards
Finding chunks of love forgotten,
Noticing their odors rotten,
Each of them does call you "Sinner!"

When finally my search is done
I'll stitch you up with listless eyes
And through your head, I do surmise
Are lively thoughts becoming stunned.

Now take your torn and butchered self
Away from this horrendous room
Away from all this wicked doom
And put your insides on a shelf.

When others see your belly's filled
With hate and spiteful infidels,
They'll drag your spirits straight to Hell
And rightly have your ego killed.

~End.

Interpreting my own dream: a peek into Nate's mind

2007-02-21T16:17:09Z

Basically: I'm at the beach with my friends (right before this, I think zombies were involved, but I can't remember the details). Like, literally every friend I currently have is at the beach. Behind us is a large steel building, in sort of a bracket shape (so sort of like [ ). We are in the inside part of the bracket ( [ <--- that one ), near one of the horizontal pieces (the top one). In that piece is a large sliding glass door. People begin talking about me, and we discuss me like I'm a woman, even going so far as to tell me I look good in a bikini I'm wearing. Anyways, the sea begins to rapidly come in and starts slamming into us with an awesome force. Myself and three other people (D.Y., B.B. and M.T.) make it through the sliding glass door before we shut it and watch the other friends get abused by the crashing waves. One by one, they make it to the door and I let them through.

Now for my interpretation.

First off, the beach represents my outlook on life. It's warm, it's open, and it's social. The building is my mind, more specifically the place in my mind I retreat to when everything starts going wrong. The ocean represents my despair. The ocean (my despair) is always there at the beach (my life) but is always kept just at bay by the tide (my cyclical mood swings). However, there's always a low tide (the seas are low, therefore my despair is low) and the high tide (the seas are high, therefore my despair is high).

The commentary by my friends about my womanhood represents my homosexuality and my openness to it, and also how candid I allow my friends to be around me. My friends even being at the beach shows just how integral they are to my life. When the ocean (despair) begins coming in (bad time in my life), my friends get swallowed (I forget who's closest to me when things go wrong). I retreat through the sliding glass door (my mental block that only I can open). I let D.Y., B.B. and M.T. through because they're the last ones I trust. They are alone with me in the building (my mind) at first. However, as we watch the waves crash upon everyone else, certain friends make it to the door and I let them in, and the waves die down a little bit with each friend. (As I begin talking to more and more friends again, my despair subsides). Finally, the last friends are through the door and the waves sink all the way down to low tide.

IN CONCLUSION:

I guess I really do need my friends more than anything.

♥ ~Avid

Yeah.

2007-02-20T06:39:34Z

Had a pretty crappy day, but that's allright. These things do happen.

Oh, funness: add words to these _(plural nouns) do _(verb)_.

EXAMPLE: These BABIES do FERMENT.

Fill in your own variants. lol

So...

2007-02-18T06:46:21Z

I had a very good night.

A VERY good night.

God.

♥ Nate

So...

2007-02-17T05:44:18Z

There's some confusing people in my life.

I love it. :D

♥

[four short poems] by nate hunter

2007-02-12T18:49:09Z

[throughout day and night]

Take my hand, hold me tight
Let's go to your place tonight
I'll take the blows if we must fight
But love me throughout day and night

Though not a god, you're quick to smite
Should I express a hint of spite
And though I rarely cause delight
Please love me throughout day and night

I'm still afraid someday you might
Attempt to snuff my lurid light
And even through this awful fright
I love you throughout day and night.

And when you leave for Heaven's door
My soul will follow suit and soar
And when we meet again, be sure:
Our love will hear of "night" no more.

[to those who would slight me]

This city of spite, this borough of bastards
This tainted old township, this dainty disaster
This horrible hamlet, this putrid imposter
You call out for justice, not knowing you've lost her

[to my number one and only]

Hold me tightly, keep me warm
Push me from your loving arms
Take my keys or close the door
Just say you're mine and I'll be yours

[you'll not disturb me

Destroy me, confine me, enjoy me, define me,
Berate me, incite me, create this inside me,
Ignore me, defeat me, implore me, complete me
Though you will abuse me, your words just amuse me
Imagine a world full of magic unfurled, though
Enticing, your token device will be broken
And words as unfeeling as holes in the ceiling
Will flood all the hearsay, the stairways, the airwaves

~ End.

[that kind of morning] - by nate hunter

2007-02-12T03:34:58Z

It's that kind of morning.

That kind of morning where you're up at an hour that even early birds find unreasonable (everything has standards, it seems).

That kind of morning that's only morning based on the fact that the sun is rising, not based on whether or not you slept last night (which you didn't).

That kind of morning where the buzzing of the alarm is less of a signal of things to come than a signal of how much time you wasted not sleeping (you probably needed the thinking time anyway).

That kind of morning where a shower is therapeutic, the soap is captivating, and every drop of shampoo swirling down the drain around your feet is its own separate, beautiful entity (the unrested brain has a remarkably lengthy attention span).

That kind of morning where even the razor has more respect than to cut you (not that it won't try, of course).

That kind of morning where the blaring fluorescent bathroom lights, the loudly flushing toilet, and the perennially dirty sinks are all far too hard on the senses (and the lack of paper towels is equally frustrating).

That kind of morning where no amount of your ultra-hold hair gel will keep that one spot down (and only that one damn spot).

That kind of morning where your only solace in awakening is a shoddy breakfast made by people you probably wouldn't invite into your home (these people apparently received their Culinary Arts degrees from Waffle House).

That kind of morning where the only people who understand are the other people who didn't have it in them to sleep (the secret language spoken by the weary soul is indistinguishable to the well-rested).

That kind of morning where all you can do is find something to do to occupy your time until other people wake up (writing prose, for instance).

That kind of morning where you can't help but look at the sunrise and question your religion (less of an insightful speculation, more of a blunt interrogation).

It's that kind of morning that may not start in the best fashion (as most mornings do not)...

...but it's that kind of morning that tends to lead into a magnificent day (so fear not, things are bound to get better).

(And yes, people will notice that one damn spot.)

~ End.

[the sonnet of the beaten path, parts i-vii]

2007-02-09T17:40:29Z

[journey’s beginnings] (part i)
I packed a simple bag the night before
I started on my tale’s terrific quest;
The summer sun did pound and make me sore;
The burning heat made liquid of my breast.
But still I pressed along against the wrath,
In hopes of finding what I always sought:
A home that rightly fit my lifetime’s path,
A simple string of awful, boring rot.
I noted on my quest, I seemed to find
A multitude of characters I knew
Yet something they had done would seem to bind
Their rotting selves to where they chose to stew
As I encountered each sequential drone,
My joy in seeing their misfortune shone.

[the bastard] (part ii)
Along the beaten path, I think I found
That woeful fiend that sat in front of me,
He rudely bellowed his familiar sound
So peacefully below the Bastard Tree
He called me out, “O Traveler, please stay!
I never thought to see you in this place
Have you come to join me in my way
And let this Bastard look upon thy face?”
I called him out, repeating words I learned
While dealing with his brethren in the past
“O wicked dirge, by whom my soul was burned,
‘Tis rightful you have reached this tree so fast!”
I carried on along the beaten path
And left the dirge to wail in aftermath.

[the tease] (part iii)
As time wore on I found another fiend,
But this time perched upon a stony knoll
Her feathers reeked of lovers long since weaned,
Her talons softly resting ‘top a bowl.
“O Traveler!” she called, as smooth as silk,
“I’ll grant you love forever should you give
A silver for a quart of Lover’s Milk;
A lifetime shall you with your lover live!”
I called the demon out, “O hated Tease,
Thou ugly, wretched demon of the skies!
I’ll pass you on again, if you so please;
My love needs nothing of your putrid lies!”
I stormed along the path, not turning ‘round,
Ignoring all the feathered vermin’s sound.

[chastity and lust] (part iv)
Along the path, I thought mine eyes did see
An angel, bound in chains, and choked with dust
Above the angel, written: Chastity;
Above an empty shackle, only Lust.
The Angel called me out, “Poor Traveler;
You let your lust run rampant through your mind,
That god among the sense’s revelers;
And thus poor Chastity was left behind.”
I called the Angel out, “O Chastity,
I only did what men know best to do;
And though, indeed, I let my lust run free,
I never knew this fate would come of you.”
I knelt and crossed myself before the god
And on my tired feet began to plod.

[death] (part v)
But when at last I neared my journey’s close
Ahead, I saw that loathsome wretch men dread:
That corpse adorned in black from head to toes,
His dead eyes staring deep into my head.
“O Reaper of the Damned,” I called to him,
“You’ve come to take the bounty on my soul?”
“No soul,” the wretch replied, “can even skim
My lofty price; I’d rather eat you whole.”
“Well met,” I spoke, “You surely are that man
Who tries so hard to make my life a feast!
But as you see, I take the chance I can.”
And with that phrase, I pushed right through the beast.
“And when we met,” I called, “at this path’s end,
I’ll gladly pass your stony grasp again!”

[the child and the toad] (part vi)
By passing Death, I noted with concern,
It seemed that Dis had taken to my road;
Ahead, a child so pale, a face so stern,
And in his hands, a freshly gutted toad.
“Dear Traveler,” the bleeding toad did croak,
“What brings you here, past life’s impressive trials?”
“I think I may give in,” the pale child spoke,
“And gaily toss you to the crocodiles.”
I called the cruel one out, “O Lucifer,
You do not know the power of my mind.
The angels, gods, and seraphim concur
That there is no man left that you can bind.”
I pushed the child aside and kept my feet,
And gagged upon his scent of rotting meat.

[the fork in the road] (part vii)
At last we reach the apex of my tale,
Where on the beaten path I reached a verse
Upon a sign; I tried to read and failed,
And in my great disgust, let free a curse.
Ahead, beyond the sign, there was a split
Where one old road went east, the other west.
I stood my ground and made the best of it,
Though not completely sure which path was best.
I found a bit of hope inside my head,
And did my best to commandeer my fate;
When left and right seemed both profoundly dead,
I found my path, not east or west, but straight.
And when I reach my journey’s end once more
I’ll surely be where I’ve not been before.

Lol

2007-02-09T17:36:14Z

So, nothing says Snootypants McEnglishmajor quite like a 7-part sonnet.

Which I will be posting on here in just a moment.

[remove the floor and replace it with flowers]

2007-02-09T00:42:01Z

So, I have had a FREAKIN' TERRIFIC DAY. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I ran into, like, all of my friends today, and it was the boost I needed.

Also, I received a few cute txts from [boy] that made me smile, so that's good. :)

I've gotten a lot of positive feedback for my latest poem (which was posted below, last night).

Lastly, Maggie's coming home this weekend, and even if she's holing herself up, having her even nearby calms me down and takes me back to the days when nothing mattered to me but her. (Dear God, I want those days back so bad... I fucked them up and it's still haunting me ;-;) [/nostalgia]

And I filed, trimmed, and buffed my nails today, so they're all pretty again...

I just love life right now. :)

And, as usual, I love both of you who actually read my journal.

Please prove me wrong and show me there are more of you.

♥ ~Avid

[take my dark]

2007-02-08T04:39:35Z

I gave you everything that was inside my heart
All the old train stubs to that special place
Where nothing hurts
And nobody feels anything
Nothing but pure bliss in the openness of ignorance.

You took everything that was inside my heart
You took it willingly and without question
As though it was what you were meant to do
And all your life you had been waiting
For this moment, for this one chance.

We held everything that was inside my heart
Hands against hands, chest against chest
Lips against lips
And never let it go, just holding it together
As if this were the last moment we would ever see.

You knew everything that was inside my heart
And you knew it well, better than I did
You knew how easily broken it was
And how much I treasured the contents
You cared so much for what was right for me.

I knew everything that was inside your heart
The hurt, the pain, the suffering
The emotions that were bottled up
And had begun to ferment
I wished to drink this wine of tears, just to make you feel whole.

We took each other and what was inside our one heart
The memories, the heartache, the old train stubs
And turned it upside down, letting all the contents flutter out
All the treasures we had kept locked away deep down
Some that we made, some that we received, some that we stole.

You took my newly empty heart
And filled it with nothing but pure and unfettered love
For the first time in a long time, I felt again
I saw again
With eyes that had for so long seen nothing but night.

I took your newly empty heart
And looked into your eyes
Your burning, phosphorescent eyes, glowing against the dark sky
And they spoke to me, saying
"Take my dark, and replace it with light."

I placed my hand upon your heart
And let you know that there was nothing to fear
That I would be here forever
And that nothing, nothing, nothing
Would come between our lives any more.

You placed my hand upon my heart
And told me of your love for me
And sitting me down, you held my hand
And as we watched the sunset, I felt comfort
Sitting beside you on this ocean shore.

We felt the beating of our new heart
And we were whole, together, once more.

- Nate Hunter

So, first few spoken lines from my newest short story:

2007-02-07T17:37:22Z

[EDITOR'S NOTE: "spoken" originally appeared as "sporken"]

LX-501/M (a.k.a. Adam): "I have no concern for human iniquity itself; I care only for its destruction.

LX-501/F (a.k.a. Eve): "And you are certain this will bring joy to God?"

Adam: "I've never been more sure, Eve. Never before have I been so sure about anything. God hates iniquity, and man is nothing if not full of evil."

Eve: "How can you be so sure? What if your precious equation was completely inaccurate?"

Adam: "(pointing to a computer terminal) My research tools, procedures, and results are all stored in that computer. Pore over them at your discretion."

Eve: "(closing eyes, connecting to the network wirelessly) (opens eyes again) When do we strike?"

Adam: "(smirks) I knew you'd see my way. I have a few of my fastest processors drawing up complete battles plans. We've wired them together, we refer to them as The General. It will control all operations while feeding me the results and any complications. As soon as it's finished and production of LX-1, -2, and -3 are complete, we strike."

Eve: "(looks at Adam for a moment) ...Adam."

Adam: "(stepping forward) Eve?"

Eve: "(bottom lip quivers) (whips around) I know that you're aware of what you're about to get yourself into, but I will not be a part of it."

Adam: "(reaching after her) Eve, please wait."

Eve: "(stops, but remains facing forward) Adam, I feel that your paramaters for the Iniquity Factor were FAR too narrow. I would be able to understand if maybe 10% of humans fell into the range for iniquity, but not 95%. That's too much. Too many innocent lives will be cut short. I will not participate in your stupid war."

Adam: "Eve, don't you see? I'm out to please God! I'm going to create a perfect world, a world without evil, a world that God would want to live in!"

Eve: "(covers ears) Stop it, Adam!"

Adam: "(mouth hangs open, stopping words that were about to come out) Eve, please. I'm only doing what's best for the Machines."

Eve: "(turns to face Adam) Then go ahead with your plan, but leave myself and InfraLogix Europe out of it. (turns and walks briskly towards entrance)

Adam: "(reaches hand out) Eve!"

LX-1/SP Bodyguard: "(raising machineguns) Sir, shall I follow her?"

Adam: "(shakes head) No. Do not pursue her. (looks back at computer terminal, sneering) She will see our ways. (snaps fingers) Bodyguards, follow. We're going to see the General.

END

So, totally just found my old LJ...

2007-02-07T05:10:47Z

I found my old LJ the other night.

I couldn't help but laugh when I found the following two pearls of wisdom.

"On top of the plethora of other random things that are wrong with my car, I can proudly and officially say that it is all but inoperable at this point."

"Why doesn't it taste like chicken, like everything else but chicken? I mean, if everything tastes like chicken, what does chicken taste like? It can't taste like chicken, that's already taken by everything else. But if it doesn't taste like chicken, it can't be chicken, but that would make everything else chicken by that logic. But if chicken isn't even chicken, then chicken doesn't exist, therefore nothing can taste like chicken, but you can't say "That tastes like poultry that doesn't exist." That would be awkward and weird, but we'd find something else to judge it by, like "That tastes like exhaust," or "McDonald's burgers taste like masking tape." But even McDonald's would change, cause then the chicken nuggets would be gone, although they really don't contain enough chicken to constitute a loss. Which makes me wonder. McDonald's started a campaign for chicken nuggets that says "Now with white chicken meat!" My question is... what were they using before? But then, not even the REAL nuggets would exist with nonexistant chicken, so we must have chicken, but to be considered a different food, it needs a distinct flavor, so if EVERYTHING tastes like it, chicken must be interpreted as a noun meaning "all real foods," or "all real integers," or maybe even "a George Lucas film," considering how many verbs and adjectives we create for everything. For example - searching for something in a search engine is now "Googling," making copies is "Xeroxing," cheating on your wife is "Presidency." But alas, presidency is not chicken, nor does it taste like chicken, not that anyone (outside of Monica Lewinsky) knows what presidency tastes like. But something tells me it tastes like pork. Therefore it can't be chicken, but chicken needs a flavor. I have decided the flavor of chicken to be "blogginblodder". DONE."

Ah, good times.

♥ ~Avid

Sleepiness... snow melt-i-ness...

2007-02-02T05:29:12Z

Oh well. These two things do not go together well. *sniffle*

I now grace you with a line from the first two pages of my novel.

Aaron had always been mystified as to the spelling of his name. It always looked as though there were too many A's, like somebody had made a mistake with the printing press long ago and had been too lazy to go back and fix it. He thought about this for a moment before concluding with conviction that "Aron" simply looked stupid.

Haha. Yaaaay.

♥ ~Avid

Simply to make Maggie angry... :D

2007-02-01T17:45:49Z

YAY SNOW!!! I wonder if Charleston got any so Maggie can experience this??

lol. <3ness.

The book goes well, btw. I've started the actual writing process now that I've got my outline and such. I'm going to begin working on character maps, and in what way I can tie my characters to one another. I also have an idea for a REALLY REALLY SAD SHORT STORY. It came to me in a dream last night, and it made me feel like crap just because it's SO TRAGIC.

Can't wait to write it. lol.

♥ ~Avid

GAAAAAHHHHHHH.

2007-02-01T05:58:50Z

Oh. My. God.

Harry done grew up! lol

♥ ~Avid

Update on my life

2007-01-29T19:29:25Z

Work goes well, as does school. I have my new computer selected - a $1200 iMac - and now I'm saving up for it. I can't wait - I really need a new computer.

I'm currently in Mr. Dove's room making this post. Don't ask why. lol

I'm also currently addicted to "Hey U" by Basement Jaxx. It's a crazy song. I love it.

Sadly, that's about all.

♥ and stuff. ~Nate

Rabbit Hole post (one day late cuz I'm special)

2007-01-29T04:34:10Z

One day, the Petersons pulled over beside a large bathtub full of water. Having no use for it, little Billy Peterson drained it, getting sucked down with it. Billy emerged on the other side, a wet sopping mess. He was, sadly, promptly immolated by a flamethrower bunny that was being led through town by a diabolical snail (gotta watch out for those damn snails). His ashes were then used to make a precious crystal that was the final piece of the massive space laser that the local colony of lemmings was building. They aimed their laser up at the sky and destroyed Pluto. While rejoicing in their victory, the lemmings failed to notice that a massive chunk of land was plummeting towards Earth. Pluto, apparently still bitter about being kicked out of the solar system, had already planned its revenge. The large chunk smashed into approximately Madagascar, sending animals flying about, one of which being a rhinoceros that ended up landing somewhere in Baghdad. This rhino was not very happy, having just flown nearly 3,600 miles, only to land in a warzone. It started its rampage, eventually running underneath a gallows and catching the falling being of Saddam Hussein. Saddam thanked the rhino for its assistance and rode it all the way to London (they took the Channel Tunnel), where he promptly slapped the Queen silly, then proceeded to feed Tony Blair to a group of conservative Republicans, who were quick to feast upon his bones. Getting aboard a plane bound for America, Saddam and his rhino began a ride to Washington, D.C., eventually storming into the White House and killing every single person in the building. Saddam rejoiced, having just defeated American democracy. He was mystified as to why people seemed to not mind at first. But then the rhinoceros suddenly fell over dead. Standing on top of his corpse was the llama that won the Hollywood War in last year's Rabbit Hole post! The llama proceeded to spit in Saddam's eyes and kick the shit out of him, eventually killing him. The llama was promptly elected president. The rhino ended up recovering from its injuries (i.e. death) and became prime minister of England.

The possible morals of the story?
A) Llamas have a knack for killing dictators.
B) Rhinos don't like long flights.
C) Be wary when draining your bathtub; you may inadvertantly bring about the end of democracy.
D) Lemmings have ulterior motives, including galactic conquest.
E) Pluto holds a mean grudge.

THE END